Weekend Kisses

It's Friday so I decided to make things easy for you, baby.
Thank me later. =]

♥ Didn't get an iPhone? Neither did anyone else.
♥ Be honest with your men, ugly ducklings.
♥ A glimpse of hope for fast food lovers.
♥ Boys have big mouths, too.
♥ I love this girl, but how the hell is she going to deliver a baby? (Well, at least she'll be forced to gain a few pounds)
♥ Thinking about switching majors? Nursing, cha-ching!
♥ And the west sure is wild.

&&go ahead, divulge yourself in this little guilty pleasure.

It's (almost) July and I'm still broke!

I.am.living.in.my.very.first.apartment.
Okay, it's not really new news anymore. But it's still a rather exciting and new concept to me. No more sneaking boys into my all-girls dorm after midnight. No more worries about security hearing us play beer pong with our un-hinged closet door. No more dining hall food (hell yess!).

However, all is not fun and games. Now, I have to do dishes. And dust. And vacuum. And pick up my room mate's puppy's shit. And *gasp* pay bills.

Enter the summer job.
Or more correctly, the summer job dilemma.

After applying to every man-made institution in this little town, I have really started to lose my drive. I don't know how many more times I can write and re-write the name, dates and duties of my last three jobs. My hands are tired. My brain is tired. Seriously.

So, after being shunned by every potential employer from Victoria's Secret to Pizza Hut, I've decided it may be time to walk off the beaten path (or at least a few paths I hoped I'd never be forced to walk on). Here are my top five oh-my-god-it's-July-and-I'm-still-broke job options.

♥ Stripping. Sounds easy enough. Buy skanky clothes, get naked and shake your ass for people twice your age. I've actually had a few close friends who made quite a hefty chunk of change at places with names like "The Dollhouse" and "The Exotic Pearl." And hey, sometimes I really do like those super-tall plastic pumps in sex stores.

♥ Call Centers. My university prints an oversized ad every Wednesday for our call center in it's weekly summer rag. The ad boasts that the call center offers "Great pay! Flexible schedules!" and it's "Located on campus!" I would probably have more fun tweezing my eyebrows than calling up old, wrinkly ex-hippie alumni asking them for money (or more likely begging them not to hang up on my sorry ass). However, located on campus does have it's perks. Gas is ridiculous. Time to bust out my hot pink bike!

♥ Fast food. I figure since I could handle fast food when I was sixteen and the craziest, moodiest bitch ever, I could definitely handle it now. Greasy fries, ugly uniforms and bitchy managers are nothing compared to 5-page research papers and 3-day adderall binges. I'm now an expert at dealing with assholes. And a discount on fatty food never hurt anybody (who cares about high cholesterol or heart disease? Not me!)

♥ Filling out online surveys. I'm lazy, I'll admit it. That's probably why I didn't get a job in the first place. But I've heard that these pay like $5 to answer 200 questions. I mean, maybe the questions are completely unrelated to me or my life. But hey, any little bit helps!

♥ AVON.AVON.AVON. As aforementioned, I lived in an all-girls dorm this past year. And with that, comes many downfalls (no seeing boys half-naked on the way to the showers, no hooking up with your neighbor, etc.) but also quite a few perks, such as the ability to buy cheap makeup from almost any girl on the floor at any time of day. Your mascara goes to shit after a week of sitting on top of the heater? Never fear finding a nice friend with a car to drive you to CVS, just knock on room #423's door and she'll get it to you in a week. I'm not really sure how well this pays (and I know you have to pay a $10 start-up fee, what the hell?) but it has to be better than sitting on my ass staring at this computer screen.

♥ Anything outdoors. Think landscaping, mulching, you know, stereotypically male jobs. Let's see here. I'm 4'10" and a measly 92 lbs. I'm probably not capable of lifting anything heavier than 5 lbs. But being outside all day = instant tan (farmer, albeit). Bring on the sunshine!<3